Commitment

I have always considered myself someone who lacks will power in relation to myself. I believe I am the kind of person that doesn’t often make a commitment to herself. with this I am testing that belief. So when I have a moment were I do not prioritise it or when I fail to do what I set out to I ma left wondering about this self consideration.

Day 65

Missed one. Again I missed one and so I ponder what commit is. What is commit to yourself and why do I forget.

Dependancy

It has come to my attention that I rely heavily on the internet, HEAVILY. I think I knew this already but it has come very much to the forefront of my mind due to not having had any for quite some time and know having very temperamental connection. I am trying not to worry about this or the fact that I am tied to me mobile phone as I now use it to photograph all my holding hand escapades. I notice how much more I appreciate holding hands the busier I am. It provides rest bite in a really simple way. Almost resetting myself and giving me more emotional capacity for the day. I shall now begin to put up the photos that I have been neglecting. 

When it becomes the norm and what happens when you forget.

I have been absent from my blog for a while now. Not a conscious decision but just that life has happened to get in the way of reflecting upon my task. Below is a photograph from each of the hand holding. You may notice that day 56 is missing. unbelievably I forgot to hold hands with someone that day. I was on residential with work surrounded by people that would have held my hand but still I forgot to do it. I think this happened for many reasons and at first I was annoyed with myself for my lack of foresight but on reflection I have been able to let that go. On day 56 I did hold hand with 3 different people none of which for 30 mins. The first hand holding was a boy helping me to get up a hill, I still remember of the feeling of this action and the power and energy of being hauled up the hill. The next two were in a circle around a campfire. In the campfire moment it did occur to me that I had not held hand with anyone and instead of saying there and then can someone hold hands with me I said to myself “Oh I’ve not held hand with anyone I must remember to do that!” This has spurred me in the last week to just say the words and to not wait until it feels convenient. On that weekend I was constantly putting other things first and that feels right and good and appropriate but I am also aware that i missed the opportunity to share a moment with someone because I felt it wasn’t important enough. I am more and more aware that it is not about it being important but about me being brave and putting myself out there. enjoy the back catalogue of the last weeks photos.

Day 63

Day 62

Day 61

Day 60

Day 58

Day 57

Day 54